Captain's log: Day 936 of sickness

Today marks day 936 of the illnesses that have continued to affect our crew, or so I believe. I can't be sure as all the days and nights have begun to run together, with crew members waking regardless of the sun's position. The sicknesses appear to have started when one of the young crew members began to visit a strange and new location where germs gather and find hosts: preschool. Though we have identified the source, our mission requires that he make regular voyages to the locale regardless of the risks. Recovery has been intermittent, and quarantine periods have resulted in crew members turning on each other. Mutiny is imminent.

There is hope as the new season approaches, but will we make it?

Names of dinosaurs I know

Many times in parenting, I am called on to provide knowledge that I just don't have. And like any good mom, I learn or I lie. Right now that knowledge is dinosaurs. You guys, I know a LOT of dinosaur names.

Brachiosaurus
T. Rex
Tex Mex
Stegosaurus
Legosaurus
Triceratops
Pteranadon
Put-your-pants-on
Troodon
Don't-know-adon
Parasaurolophus
Don't-care-about-all-of-this
Dilophosaurus
Pachycephalosaurus
What-did-I-forget-to-make-room-for-that-osaurus
Ornithomimus
Diplodocus
DippinDotsus
Quetzalcoatlus
Pretzelcoatlus
Ichthyosaur
Plesiosaur
Please-no-more

Grocery List - Free Printable

Grocery shopping for my family each week can be such a chore. There are always things I forget and things I buy on an impulse. So I made myself a list template for the categories I really need. Feel free to download and print it out if these are also the things you're buying each week.

Download printable

The holiday season through Google searches

This is my brain on Christmas.

Early December

• Where to get live Christmas tree Austin
• Whole Foods Christmas tree sale 2019
• How to decorate plain wreath
• Blue mailbox locations
• Croup age range
• North Austin pediatricians 
• Klaus good for kids 
• Christmas lights song preschool 

Mid-December

• Where to stream Polar Express
• Grinch 2018 IMDb
• Santa trail of lights real beard
• Batiste dry shampoo  
• Reindeer food
• Ginger for baking

Christmas week

• Pictures of strep throat 
• Small white bumps tonsils kids
• Best funny movies
• Early HFM symptoms
• Wild Kratts live review 
• Rash amoxicillin
• Urgent care Austin 
• Cough ear infection
• Personalized Santa video 
• Experience gifts for kids
• What to feed caga tio 
• How much should 11-month-old nurse
• How to get rid of Christmas tree Austin 

Super powers of a mom with sick kids

Lightning-fast hands: to catch the vomit almost in time.
Her own gravitational pull: that makes sick kids glom to her no matter where she is or what she’s doing.
Heightened sense of hearing: to jolt awake at every fart, meow or house sound in case a kid is crying for her.
Search term prowess: to find the most terrifying disease on Google that matches her child’s symptoms.
Tylenol math super brain: to juggle dosage times, amounts and temperatures for each kid who then refuse to take any more medicine or have their temperature taken.
Ability to jump to conclusions: like thinking her soundly sleeping child must not be breathing so she better go wake him up just to check.
Grandparent-like compassion: to suspend any semblance of parental control or discipline and replace it with unlimited screen time, cookies for dinner and a new toy if the kid is pathetic enough.

Last-minute stocking stuffer ideas

For the toddler:

• Gift tags so he can re-tag all the presents as his. He’s going to open them all anyway and yell “Mine,” so capitalize on it. 
• Enough candy to bribe your way through Christmas morning tantrums.
• A hundred tiny crappy dollar store toys that the toddler will love leaving on the floor and you’ll have to pry out of the babies hands and mouth until 2020 when you give up and throw them all away.

For the baby:

• Let the toddler fill the baby’s stocking. Any trash, cast-off toys and choking hazards that come from the big sibling are the only thing that will make her happy.
• Cheerios. Just dump the box in there. Any that spill will just join the layer of them already coating the floor. 
• Saline spray because the snot never ends, not even on Christmas.

For dad:

• Anything that's also for you: chocolate, coffee, jewelry
• Anything from your grocery list: toilet paper, mac and cheese, kids vitamins
• Gas X
• No grooming products or he'll continue to age better than you.

For mom:

• Wrinkle cream
• Depuffing gel
• Dry shampoo
• A to-do list for Christmas morning so she doesn’t forget all the balls she has in the air while the rest of the house enjoys the magic she created.

What I've Learned in My First Three Months of Parenting

• If you have to ask, "Is that pee?" the answer is yes.
• Babies are noisy. Do not be alarmed. He will sound like he is choking, forgetting how to breathe, has a small animal caught inside him. He's fine.
• Your new nightly hobby is looking through all your photos of the baby and wondering how he's gotten so big. There will be tears.
• If you think you've got your baby figured out, don't say it out loud. If he knows you're onto him, he'll change and you can forget everything you thought you knew.
• Don't gloat that you put that baby to sleep. That baby is never really asleep. He's waiting until you start doing something you're really looking forward to. Like looking at your phone on the toilet or eating something hot or sleeping.
• Dad's way may seem lazy or wrong, but damned if it doesn't work out for him every time.

3 months old

P is 3 months old today! Today is also the day I was scheduled to go back to work ... except I'm not. I'm going to be a stay-at-home mom and do freelance editing/writing on the side. Will I go crazy? Let's find out!

Bethany's in the house

Bethany's in the house! Bethany's IN the house. Do you know who that is? That's Bethany!

This is what I hear every time I go to the gym (except Monday's, glorious Mondays) from Tony, the front desk guy. Tony, Tony, Tony. I can't escape him. If he's in the middle of a conversation with someone else and I think I can sneak by, he will stop his conversation and tell the person what a big deal I am.

I cannot figure out why this started. He is decidedly NOT hitting on me. I see him at 6 in the morning when I am bleary-eyed and  unshowered with no makeup. The one time he saw me after my workout and shower, he said he would've dressed better if he had known the queen was coming? Ummm...

I think he's just enthusiastic and I might be the person who signals his shift is ending, but now I can't put a stop to it without being a total jerk. He does have conversations with me beyond announcing that I am now, indeed, in the house. He once asked me how I slept (um, what? That's not small talk), told me about the last concert he saw in 2002 (his last movie in the theater was in 2007. Did you know they charge like 15 bucks a ticket now!?), and you know, a dozen other little jokey comments that I can't understand so I just smile uncomfortably and back away.

It's too late for me and Tony. This relationship is cemented. I was too nice from the get-go. But how can I nip in the bud conversations with the old lady in her underwear (thank god for those huge cotton panties) who wants to tell me her plans for having her skirts hemmed? Or waxes poetic about her love of saunas (should I tell her the gym doesn't have a sauna?). Or says "Ta da!" when she gets her shirt on?! Just let me sweat in peace, people!

The birds and the bees

I could not love this video any more...unless I made a baby with it and then explained it to these kids. Circle of life, man.

Link: http://youtu.be/a3MyLt6l5n0

Hello again!

This is it. The day you've all been waiting for. I have returned!

Of course, I said that last March too, but I mean it this time. I'm getting my ish together. There's money in my bank account. There are vegetables in my fridge. I own a gym bag now. I'm a functioning adult!

So watch this space for more posts this year. I don't know what they'll be about but get pumped. Tell your friends. Tell your mom. Tell my mom. I'll be here.

Wedding details

I know I've been married 5+ months and haven't posted in, oh, a year, but I've never heard any rules on how long you have to post wedding photos, so I think now's the perfect time!

I posted some on Facebook a while back, but there are just too many good ones to not share! Our photographers did an amazing job, and we had the best day ever, so I love reliving it.

Here are some details to start.
Shout out to our photographers, Double Knot Photography; our florist, Holly Viles; and our day-of coordinator, Betsy Baldwin.

Shoes from Delia's

Mirabelle dress from J. Crew

Shirts from Mad About Monograms

Necklace from J. Crew

Lace from my mom's veil

Holly Viles

Suit from Jos. A Bank

Silk chiffon bridesmaid dresses from J. Crew

Venue: Event 1013 in Plano, Texas

Cakes by Frosted Garden

Banner from Ready Go

Take better holiday photos: pro tips

I wrote this piece at work a few weeks ago, and was just thinking, "Why don't I shamelessly promote my stuff anymore?" The answer is because I've been doing some boring assignments recently and obviously not blogging at all. But CMN pieces are always a little bit fun. I'll have another one published in a few weeks probably, but for now, use these tips for your holiday photos.

I couldn't fit all of Marchet Butler's tips into the short article, so a few more (paraphrased) she suggested were:

• Don't get flustered or upset. No one's going to be smiling if you're yelling at them. She's not above bringing treats for younger subjects to keep the mood positive.
• Don't be afraid to act a little silly or get a little creative to get everyone looking and smiling at you. 
• Don't go into the photo shoot with unrealistic expectations of your skills. Not every photo is going to be perfect, but if you get one or two, you're in business! If group photos don't work this year, try individual ones, and then spend 2013 practicing with your camera so you'll be better next year.

Champaign trip

My mom and I visited my sister and nephew up in Illinois last week. After a rocky start (thanks, American Airlines), we had a great time. We spent one rainy day in Chicago so I could try on wedding dresses at J. Crew(!) and then stayed at Amy's house in Champaign. 

So you know what that means: Jonas pictures! Dude's huge!

Cuddling!

Mom and Amy making me dinner. Meijer's grocery store has some awesome produce (and Halloween costumes!)

Jonas hugged his new Halloween costume all the way home, even after falling asleep.

Looks like his dad here.

Amy (in the striped socks on the left) had roller derby practice while we were there. It looks hard! We had to leave early to put Jonas to bed, but I doubt she even fell unless it was on purpose!

Tiger!

Parmesan crusted chicken

I'm just going to jump on in here like I've posted more recently than a month and a half ago.

We're trying to cook more instead of eating out, so this week I made a real effort to plan out my grocery trip. I took this recipe from my Pinterest food board, and it was super easy.

 

I followed this recipe, but used Miracle Whip and will probably use less next time. To be fair, though, I didn't actually measure and tend to go with a more-is-more philosophy. 

I also made this broccoli, more or less, to go with it. It didn't taste too healthy, so I'd consider that a win.

Next on my food to-do list: make a bunch of freezer meals ahead of time so I don't have to cook when I get home from work!

Too much cuteness!

OK, OK. I've got to apologize for the lack of posts, mainly because my mom's been complaining. I've just been busy! We went to San Francisco, we got engaged, my best friend got married, etc. Plus it's just more fun to look at wedding stuff all night than blog. Sorry!

But here's a painfully adorable Buzzfeed article I saw today. And Will has promised to guest post for me soon.

Virginia Point home story

My home story for Houston Magazine was published this month! Go check it out here or see the full spread on page 56 of the digital edition.

Seriously. Go.

Link round-up

OK, so I only posted twice in June. In my defense, though, June was freakishly short. I'll try to do better in July, but I'm not making any promises.

A myth-busting Fourth of July article ... a day late.

We watched these pandas for at least 20 minutes at work today.

My kids could shave each other's heads if they were this cute about it.

A stationery-of-the-month club! Genius.

Indie paper designers. I wouldn't mind being one of them someday when I learn to use Illustrator.

"Moonrise Kingdom"

 We saw the new Wes Anderson movie, "Moonrise Kingdom," this weekend. It was cute and quirky of course. This is pretty much EXACTLY how I picture Will's Boy Scout days. I've yet to see his campsite skills, though.

Next up, "Safety Not Guaranteed" and then a July 3rd showing of "Jaws."

Now taking trip tips

We're going to San Francisco next month! What should we do? We've already got our hotel near Union Square, but otherwise, we are open to suggestions. Restaurants, activities, scenic walks, whatever. Let me know!