Italian lesson #5: Angry edition

I know it was probably at least a month ago when I promised an Italian gestures lesson to deal with the frustrating Italians in your life. Can you believe I've been here two months? Crazy.

Since then, the Italians have been focusing on teaching me the actual spoken language. Focusing is probably the wrong word. They've been making me repeat random phrases. They say I have a real knack for language, so it's a pity I was born in the U.S. They also say I speak Italian with a French accent. I guess that's a good thing.

Now, I'm not really angry right now, but you guys might be because I made you wait so long for this lesson, so you can practice on me if you want. I did my best at making angry faces. It kind of just looks like something stinks. Don't get confused.

This is the general angry gesture, the one you're all probably most familiar with. You have to shake it a little bit to get the full effect. Actually, that's the case with almost all of these. This means WTF. Or "Ey, you dropped-a my meat-a-ball on the floor-a."

This one's just a movement in the wrist, back and forth a couple times. "I'll beat you."

Something like the A-OK sign turned upside-down. "If I catch you..." The threat is implied, kind of like "Why I oughtta..."

This one requires a little more movement. With one arm straight, hit the inside of your elbow with your hand, causing the arm to bend and then bring the other hand up in a fist. "Go to hell." This one's forceful enough to be pretty effective any language, I think.

This is actually the first gesture that I learned had a specific meaning. It kind of looks like I'm pointing at something (inappropriate) in this photo, but what I'm really doing is indicating size (shaking it a bit for emphasis). "This is how big I'm going to make your anus." Lovely, isn't it? 

When I first learned this, we had a little misunderstanding and they kept saying that it shows how big they're going to make your butt. And I thought, "Yes, please! You'll be doing me a favor." The real meaning's a bit less appealing.

So now you can go pick a fight at Johnny Carino's or the local gelato place without any problems. Let me know how it goes.

Italian lesson #4

Today I have officially been in The Netherlands for one month. That means I'm 1/3 of the way done with my time here, which I think is kind of...

That means "cool." Just draw a diagonal line on your cheek with your thumb.

What's also cool is that I did laundry this weekend, which is why there is a shirt hanging from my mirror in the background of the photos. It could've been underwear, so count your blessings.

I ran into some technical difficulties with my pizza plans this past weekend, so I spent it mostly running errands and watching Netflix, and that was OK by me. Later this week, though, my parents are coming to visit. It'll be their first time in Europe, so I'm sure we're going to party it up and I'll have lots of photos to post next week that include people other than me. Or just even more photos of myself.

Italian lesson #3

Today was one of the Italian's (Giuliana's) birthday, so last night I went to Sarah's flat and together we made an Oreo cheesecake. She needed me because it was an American recipe, and she has no idea what cups or ounces are. So I pretended I could tell without a measuring cup.

So in honor of Giuliana, here's another Italian gesture. Who am I kidding? Here's another Italian gesture because I like taking pictures of myself.

This one means "nothing" or "none." It's a handgun twisted back and forth a couple times.

"Bethany, what are you doing this weekend?"

(Not entirely true. The Italians are supposed to cook us pizza tomorrow)

"How much of that giant cheesecake is left now?"

"How many more pictures of yourself are you going to make us look at?"

Lots. You were hoping for the gesture one more time, huh?

Italian lesson #2

Happy Groundhog Day! I felt sort of silly once I started trying to explain the holiday to my German and Italian coworkers. Not only is the whole concept ridiculous, but I couldn't even explain what a groundhog is (woodchuck didn't mean anything to them either). Marmot seems to do the trick, though, just so you know. Also, they've seen the movie, which I didn't figure out until I'd already done several groundhog impressions.

Now on to today's lesson: later. It can mean a lot of things depending on the context, but they all mean something about later or after. When you're leaving someone, you can do it to mean "See you later." If you're gossiping and someone walks in on it, you could do it to mean "I'll tell you later." If your boyfriend is nagging you to cook him dinner while The Bachelor is on, you could do it to mean "I'll do it after." Or you could just tell him that this isn't the '50s and to cook his own dadgum dinner, but I think we all know the gesture you could use for that.

Basically what "later" looks like is the American sign for crazy (the European one is different; you just tap your temple with one finger) moved down in front of your chest. So make a forward circle with your finger.

 Repeat once. Too much more than that and you look crazy (European or American gesture is acceptable here).

End it at the front of the circle.

Simple. Now, I know what you're all thinking. "Bethany, these lessons are awesome, but a little too clean for me. What I really need is to be able to give that schmuck at the pizzeria a piece of my mind." Well, those gestures are coming...sometime. But I'm not telling you when so that you have to keep coming back to find out. 

Italian lesson #1

Since I work with a bunch of Italians, it's only natural that I would start to pick up a bit of the language. As far as the actual spoken language is concerned, I've really only learned some cuss words (what else would they teach me?) and "we'll see" (because I wanted to politely decline their invitation to a disco party).

But the real Italian language is in the hands. Seriously. I thought it was a stereotype that Italians gestured a lot when they spoke, but they definitely do. Not only that, but it's not just generic gesturing. The gestures actually have meanings, like an Italian sign language. It's fascinating. To me, at least. Hopefully to you too because I'm going to start giving Italian lessons through my posts.

So lesson #1: delicious. Now, you could kiss your fingertips and make the smarmy Italian face (don't act like you don't know what gesture I'm talking about; that description is spot-on), but that doesn't apply specifically to food. It can also mean beautiful or really good. To say something is delicious, do this:

Then you kind of rotate it back and forth.

So if you kept flipping back and forth between these two photos, I'd be saying delicious. 

Don't press too hard, though, or you could get a permanent dent in your face.

Disclaimer: I know I sound like an expert and all, but I'm not actually Italian. So if you make one of these gestures to a mob boss and I told you the wrong meaning and you get whacked, I can't be held responsible.